


Forgiven

by Deannie



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-07-31
Updated: 1996-07-31
Packaged: 2018-01-01 16:16:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A companion piece to Would You Forgive Me? Takes place after Scully returns from her abduction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiven

Things had been a little too festive today, and Dana Scully had abruptly concluded, at about eighty-thirty pm, that if she had to smile and receive one more bouquet of flowers, or box of chocolates, or--God forbid--stuffed animal, she was going to go stark-raving mad.

 

By nine-fifteen, the apartment was finally empty--even her mother had left as her daughter's smile became more and more strained, even slightly homicidal--and Scully sank down onto her couch, relaxing in the silence for a moment.

 

The anxiety built slowly, but after a few minutes of complete quiet, she decided she didn't like the thoughts that were floating around in her mind; the lack of white noise, the tacit reminder of that night that just being in her home alone gave her. Fighting the nervousness, she rose quickly to try to find something that would shut up her brain.

 

   She walked around the apartment vaguely for a few moments, a little disturbed that the place felt like she'd never left it. She'd been surprised when her mother told her that Mulder--or "Fox," as her mother insisted on calling him--had been taking care of things while she was gone. It seemed very unlike him, she mused. Though she supposed she didn't really know what *was* like him when he was away from the office. They'd always been close, but not really in a "friends" sort of way. Just the occasional flirting, the rare dinner where they didn't discuss work.

 

   She guessed she really didn't know him as well as she liked to think she did.

 

   Her meanderings eventually led her to her stereo, and she pushed the power button, hitting play on the CD player. She didn't really care what was in the carriage, as long as it would drown out a few of her morbid thoughts.

 

   When she heard the opening chords of the first song, she smiled. Alanis was _exactly_ what she needed.

 

   She'd been playing the "good little soldier" for nearly a month now, letting the doctors poke and prod her, letting her family baby her. She was more than a little sick of it all. While she was well aware of how sick she'd really been, she didn't feel the need to be treated like a china doll now. Hell, she was going back to work in a week or so. That should have proven to them all that she was recovering.

 

   She was home now, so obviously the _doctors_ felt she was well enough to be on her own, but her homecoming party today was full of worried looks from her mother, solicitous hovering by Melissa. She was sick of it all.

 

   As Alanis bitched out her boyfriend in cut time, Scully's thoughts drifted to Mulder. He'd been a little scarce the past few weeks. She understood that he was uncomfortable around her family, but even when she called him, on those rare days when her mother and sister had given her a rest, he'd usually find a reason not to come down.

 

   She supposed he felt guilty about what had happened--though how he could possibly have been to blame was beyond her. It wasn't as if he'd given Duane Barry her address--

 

 _No,_ she told herself sharply. _Stop it. Stop thinking about it. Just stop._

 

   Not that that was going to work, but it was worth a try. She let her gaze wander as Alanis started yelling at her parents for pushing her too hard. All her plants were still alive--desperately in need of some trimming, but...

 

   That was it. Spend a little time getting comfortable again. Trim the plants, run a load or two of wash, make a pot of coffee... Something to occupy her.

 

*******

 

Two trimmed spider plants, a load of laundry, and three cups of coffee later, she was going out of her mind. Maybe it would have been better to let the family and friends torment her for a while.

 

   At least then, she wouldn't be alone.

 

   As if in answer to her unspoken plea, a light knock hit her door. She was there long before he could have thought to knock again.

 

   "Hi, Mulder," she greeted him, sounding as if she'd just received a stay of execution.

 

   Mulder stood awkwardly for a moment, his arms burdened with Chinese takeout, bottled drinks, and videos. "Hi, Scully. Um... Look, I know you had that party tonight, but... well, you know, work got hectic--Skinner just _had_ to have that report I was working on, and--"

 

   "It's fine, Mulder," she cut him off pleasantly. Looking at the gifts he bore, her face lit up. "There'd better be Kung Pao Chicken in there."

 

   Mulder sighed in relief. "Nothing but the best."

 

   She showed him in, took a few of his burdens from him. She surveyed the videos he'd brought, and her smile grew sarcastic. "What, no 'Lost Weekend'?"

 

   Mulder remained absolutely silent, and she turned to look at him. His face was stricken. "Mulder," she chided gently. "It was only a joke."

 

   He shook it off with difficulty. "I'll... get some plates."

 

*******

 

Mulder stood for a moment in front of the sink, trying to get over it. How could she joke like that? After all she'd been through--all she'd lost. He took a deep breath, deciding that if she could get past it, so could he.

 

   The resolution lasted for five minutes--right up until he heard that song again, floating quietly through her apartment.

 

         I went to your house

         Walked up the stairs

         I opened the door with the keys you left...

 

He stood frozen in the kitchen doorway, eyes dark, face pale, hands barely holding the plates he'd retrieved.

 

   After a moment, Scully noticed him. "Mulder?" At his continued silence, she walked over carefully. "Mulder, are you okay?"

 

   He nodded slowly, waiting for the song to end, waiting for his heart to realize that, once again, she was here. She was back. She was alive.

 

   Scully ran a quiet thumb over his cheek, coming away with tears. "Mulder, it's okay," she assured him gently. "I'm all right."

 

   He nodded again, finally able to propel himself toward the living room, setting the plates on the coffee table before going about spooning their dinner out. He realized suddenly that he was shaking.

 

   She remained at the kitchen door, and he could feel her eyes on him from across the room. He had to tell her. He had to tell her that he loved her. He needed her to know.

 

   But as she looked at him, with that mixture of concern and exasperation that was her hallmark, he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Simple words, really, but words that could bring them both so much trouble.

 

   And she'd had so much already.

 

   "Which one do you want to watch first?" he asked abruptly, shaking both of them from their separate reveries. She walked over, standing next to the couch, still watching him.

 

   "Let's just eat, Mulder," she replied softly. "We'll decide what we want to watch later."

 

   He nodded, handing her a plate piled high with rice and chicken. He turned to get her a drink, but she beat him to it.

 

   "Iced tea," she remarked blandly.

 

   "Yeah."

 

   "Do you remember what I said to you _before_ the iced tea, Mulder?" she asked, walking up close--so close he could smell her. And it was _her_ this time, not an empty apartment, full of pain, guilt... It was _her_.

 

   When he didn't answer, she put down her plate, and placed a small, pale hand on his arm. "I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you... I meant it then, Mulder." She brought her hand up to his chin, forcing his face up, forcing him to look at her. "I still do."

 

   Unbidden, all of Mulder's guilts came rolling out. "I'm sorry, Scully. If I'd just been home when you called. I was working late--trying to get some more information on--"

 

   "It doesn't matter, Mulder," she returned, almost sternly. "If you'd been home, you wouldn't have been able to get here anyway--not in time. Everything would have happened the way it happened. None of it was your fault."

 

   "But, if I hadn't--"

 

   "Mulder, stop it!" She took a minute, calming herself down. "We both have to get past what's happened, all right? I'm here. I'm alive. Let's just be thankful, and move on." Her face brightened gently. "Besides, we have the X-Files back now, Mulder. If any of this was designed to make sure that never happened, then they failed. Whatever secrets they didn't want us to find might be back in our hands." Her voice grew stern again. "But we're not going to get _anywhere_ if we don't deal with this."

 

   He watched her for a moment, stunned. She was incredible. Just pick up where they'd left off, huh? He had a suspicion that it wouldn't be as easy as that. But he'd try.

 

   Her eyes met his, and he saw that pragmatism of hers, that strength. And if he looked hard, he thought he could see forgiveness.

 

   She smiled bashfully in the intensity of his stare, and ducked her head.

 

   "How about _Star Wars_?" she suggested suddenly, turning from him and heading for the bag of videos. "It's not like we haven't both seen it a hundred times, but there's always something new every time you watch it."

 

   Always something new. Every time he saw her...

 

   "Sure."

 

********

THE END


End file.
